Blog Archive

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Back on that Bullshit




So I suppose you want to hear about Africa....

I expected to blog a lot in Ghana while I was at the Pan-African Literary Forum, but there was so much to take in and my thoughts kept racing and changing so I didn't want to sit down and type some nonsense. I really wanted to think about all I was seeing. It really was a heavy trip...Plus I was only connected at the internet cafe. No offense, but I'd rather spend my purchased time e-mailing my bird than reporting for you clowns. Internet time ain't cheap and I know where my bread is buttered....

OK....Since I didn't "live blog" the conference I'm going to break down my trip for you over the next week or so. You'll hear about all the highs and lows and exploding water heaters and volatile asshole street-peddlers and slave dungeons and workshops and insights and shit. And I'm also going to blog about a lot of other shit I missed and am interested in ridiculing such as CO Rick Ross and Ludacris' dumb ass Obama song and slang prostitution...I'll probably skip Jesse Jackson because I don't want that nigga (his word, not mine) to come and cut off my nuts...

I gotta say it really sucks to be back. I mean, I had a real peaceful feeling since I returned late last month and then this week it was shattered. Perhaps that euphoria was a residue from my short stay in Amsterdam. The feeling was similar to that refreshing vibe that you get when you come back from a few weeks away (which it was), but times 25 or something. I've always wanted to go back to the beginning of the universe and watch the Big Bang. I felt like this is the closest I'll ever get to that. Standing in that slave castle, I felt the deepest part of me do shifts and flips. I got back and wanted to think about that and everything else and assign some meaning to it....Then you realize that no one else has been on vacation or anything like that. People still want to argue with you over petty things. You want to tell them to eat a dick and just walk away, but you can't because that'll just cause more problems. You still have to look for a job...a truly objectionable task. People are still trying to get you to conform and you don't want to conform. You just want to be Rion. Besides, you don't make any demands on anyone else, but they are always making demands on you. All that bullshit. Don't get the impression that I'm saying this shit is unique to me, 'cause it's not.

It's like that season of the Sopranos when Tony returns from getting shot in the stomach and he tries to approach life differently; in a more hopeful fashion. But the whole world keeps dragging him back down to the dirt and grime and he turns more vicious and beastlike than ever. Fuck...I sound like Tony Soprano...all self-pitying and shit....

I mean....I can't sit still for too long. I need to move around the world. I always felt sorry for flowers and trees and shit. I figured their lives were boring just sitting there growing vertically from the ground. I'm sure the tulips in the Netherlands would like visit France or something to see how tulips live elsewhere. I'm glad I'm not a tulip.

My perennial wanderlust is why I strongly dislike Silver Spring, MD and Binghamton, NY (and Howard University, to a lesser extent in this context). It's not like they are such horrible places, but the times I lived in those spots, I was more or less trapped there and needed people's permission to leave and go elsewhere. It's my wanderlust colliding with reality. Anyone who knows me knows I'm not always the most realistic person in the world. Well, yeah....realistic people are boring. Had I been a realistic person, I would have looked at my finances and other bullshit and decided to put a visit to Africa off until after a bunch of bullshit milestones. "I'll get a job and then I'll move above the poverty line and then I'll get married and have five kids and after I put them through expensive ass Ivy-League schools, I'll go see where my ancestors come from and get all kinds of insights into life that I could have used in my late twenties. Then I'll die the next year." I've been too realistic in the past. Silver Spring, Binghamton and Howard never did anything to me. I did it to myself and I've learned from those experiences.

OK...next post will be more uplifting. Fuck it. Maybe it won't. Welcome back to Datsun Flambe.

Too much sanity may be madness, but maddest of all is to see life as it is and not as it should be." -Miguel Cervantes. In his novel, Don Quixote

3 comments:

grandmaster.obokano said...

would like to read more.

Mr. Wilson Fisk said...

Dawg, have some Johnny Walker! Nig's got that Blue. Steal some! I feel you tho. I'm glad you took that trip to Africa. Free your mind brah.

Rion Amilcar Scott said...

Thanks big bro....It was cool knowing all you guys were proud of me and had my back...now y'all need to go....