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Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Piece of Shit Dell 2005-2009


Me and that fucking piece of shit in better (?!) times.



One day, I'm going to find Dell headquarters and I'm going to stand outside and I'm going to shout threatening things at the executives and I will be arrested for making terrorist threats and I will be shipped to Guantanmo or its replacement and I will have no rights and I will be tried by a military tribunal despite the existence of Obama and I will be tortured and I will die a miserable wreck inside of a secret prison and the destruction of Rion that was begun when I bought that fucking piece of shit Dell will be complete.

So, yeah, the unthinkable has happened and my computer has died on me. My novel is on there. Yep. And I made significant changes since the last time I e-mailed it to myself or saved it on a thumb drive. Yeah, I'm a fucking genius. I imagine I had a couple weeks before I could have called it a draft, but now I'm praying that it can be recovered....what a world, what a world as the Wicked Witch of the West would say.....

Here's a rough timeline of POS Dell's life:

Nov. 2005: Purchased

December 2005: Arrived. I proceed to write a story.

Jan. 2005: Hard Drive Dies. Blue Screen of Death. Sent hard drive back to company.

Feb 2005: New Hard drive arrives. The story that I had begun in Jan. is lost forever. This is better for me and for the world.

April 2005: A mysterious colored line appears out of nowhere and bissects my screen.

Later in April: The computer sporadically doesn't recognizes the cord and jumps randomly between battery power and outlet power.

June 2005: Sent back to the company. They fix the screen and tell me the motherboard was bad.

2006: Motherboard goes again. Another line shows up on the screen. I send it back. They fix it again.

Dec. 2006: "Shit, I don't need to spend a rack of dough to extend the warranty. I should be fine."

Jan 2007: Motherboard goes again. Sending it to Dell to fix it will cost me a rack of money. Oh yeah, there is another line on the screen. But shit, I know a dude.

March 2007: Dude takes forever, but he intalls a new screen and fixes the motherboard. I don't pay much. Screen is really cool and it causes me no more problems.

June 2008: Up arrow key falls off.

August 2008: Motherboard goes again. I give the computer to dude. Continue work on my novel using my girlfriend's old laptop. It too is a Dell. Never gave her problems. To me, it's a piece of shit by association.

September 2008: Me: Dude, you ever going to get me that computer back?
Dude: "Yeah, I'm working on it."

October 2008: Dude: "Yeah, I'm almost done."

November 2008: Dude: "I'll have it for you real soon. Whatta ya know, Obama was elected."

December 2008: Dude: "I'm going to deliver it to you on Christmas Day."

Dec. 25, 2008: I'm looking out the window. Computer doesn't show. Santa does, however.

Jan 2009: Computer's back. Dude: "The way I fixed it, even if it breaks, it won't break."
Me (to POS Dell): "I hated you so, but truth is I missed you, you little Piece-of-shit. Let me put my novel onto you and foolishly not back it up. It's not like you have had a history of problems from the very beginning or something like that. Everything will work out."

Later in Jan: Motherboard starts to go.

Feb 2009: POS Dell: "Rion (cough, cough), I can go no further. I will not survive the night. Try to save your nov...."

5 comments:

Omar said...

You sould have had dell replace it in the very beginning. That joint was clearly a lemon. There should be a lemon law for computers too.

Rion Amilcar Scott said...

That's the thing Omar, most Dell's are lemons.

dh said...

Hey, I know, I'll loan you my Dell!

Oh, right, it's totally infected with a virus that attacked the security software and keeps downloading things pretending to be security updates. Never mind.

Sorry man. I mean, sorry this happened to you.

The good news is that your actual memory (the one in your brain) seems to be working pretty well, yes? Given the timeline here.

Sara said...

The part about the novel changes is horrible, but the computer's dialogue is hilarious!

guest said...

Sorry you had to go through that shit, my bro. My public library uses DELL LCD desktop computers and the more shit people do on them later like video games and high resolution crap the worse they become and now they fail to load FaceBook, jumping all the time up and down the screen, crashing frequently and failing to refresh immediately. I have lost documents I have done in the past with these computers and it wasn't totally my fault for not backing them up. The computer failed to respond quick enough for me to be able to back it up. Then these idiot tech people installed a computer reservation system that only made the computers worse then they were before this system was installed in terms of performance and time management accuracy. Not to mention the various anti-virus programs they installed which fixes virus', awesome, but slows down the computer a lot, WAAAAH!

I hope you were able to get an awesome computer to continue your computing. I have thought of hacking an old Macintosh 128k, 512k or newer 68k Macintoshes and putting current G4 cube hardware in them and upgrading them to current specs with some old hardware. Some conversions I describe here have been 100% successful and some guys have blogs on the internet about them. You can search Macintosh Plus G4 Cube conversion or similar. Good luck to you :)