Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Piece of Shit Dell 2005-2009
One day, I'm going to find Dell headquarters and I'm going to stand outside and I'm going to shout threatening things at the executives and I will be arrested for making terrorist threats and I will be shipped to Guantanmo or its replacement and I will have no rights and I will be tried by a military tribunal despite the existence of Obama and I will be tortured and I will die a miserable wreck inside of a secret prison and the destruction of Rion that was begun when I bought that fucking piece of shit Dell will be complete.
So, yeah, the unthinkable has happened and my computer has died on me. My novel is on there. Yep. And I made significant changes since the last time I e-mailed it to myself or saved it on a thumb drive. Yeah, I'm a fucking genius. I imagine I had a couple weeks before I could have called it a draft, but now I'm praying that it can be recovered....what a world, what a world as the Wicked Witch of the West would say.....
Here's a rough timeline of POS Dell's life:
Nov. 2005: Purchased
December 2005: Arrived. I proceed to write a story.
Jan. 2005: Hard Drive Dies. Blue Screen of Death. Sent hard drive back to company.
Feb 2005: New Hard drive arrives. The story that I had begun in Jan. is lost forever. This is better for me and for the world.
April 2005: A mysterious colored line appears out of nowhere and bissects my screen.
Later in April: The computer sporadically doesn't recognizes the cord and jumps randomly between battery power and outlet power.
June 2005: Sent back to the company. They fix the screen and tell me the motherboard was bad.
2006: Motherboard goes again. Another line shows up on the screen. I send it back. They fix it again.
Dec. 2006: "Shit, I don't need to spend a rack of dough to extend the warranty. I should be fine."
Jan 2007: Motherboard goes again. Sending it to Dell to fix it will cost me a rack of money. Oh yeah, there is another line on the screen. But shit, I know a dude.
March 2007: Dude takes forever, but he intalls a new screen and fixes the motherboard. I don't pay much. Screen is really cool and it causes me no more problems.
June 2008: Up arrow key falls off.
August 2008: Motherboard goes again. I give the computer to dude. Continue work on my novel using my girlfriend's old laptop. It too is a Dell. Never gave her problems. To me, it's a piece of shit by association.
September 2008: Me: Dude, you ever going to get me that computer back?
Dude: "Yeah, I'm working on it."
October 2008: Dude: "Yeah, I'm almost done."
November 2008: Dude: "I'll have it for you real soon. Whatta ya know, Obama was elected."
December 2008: Dude: "I'm going to deliver it to you on Christmas Day."
Dec. 25, 2008: I'm looking out the window. Computer doesn't show. Santa does, however.
Jan 2009: Computer's back. Dude: "The way I fixed it, even if it breaks, it won't break."
Me (to POS Dell): "I hated you so, but truth is I missed you, you little Piece-of-shit. Let me put my novel onto you and foolishly not back it up. It's not like you have had a history of problems from the very beginning or something like that. Everything will work out."
Later in Jan: Motherboard starts to go.
Feb 2009: POS Dell: "Rion (cough, cough), I can go no further. I will not survive the night. Try to save your nov...."