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Monday, June 22, 2009

Monday Music: The Young Cons


Below is a video from the new greatest rap group of all time: The Young Cons. Yep, Cons is short for Conservatives. It's like Pat Buchanan, Rush Limbaugh and Redman had kids. Stiltz and Serious C (because he is seriously conservative and seriously Christian) are Dartmouth freshman and soon they'll be hip hop superstars.

I haven't been this excited about a rap group since The Afros.

I mean, rhyming conservative love with Atlas Shrugged....brilliant. The second rapper, Stiltz, attacks the track with the rap skills of a young Shaquille O'Neal.

I can see him saying: "Socialism, tell me how my ass tastes..."

4 years from now:

Potential employer: Hello...uh...Mr....

Stiltz: Stiltz....One Tiiime...

PE: Yes, Mr. Stiltz....So we did a google search on you and came across this video from 2009....

Stiltz: (nervous laughter) I fulfill a role that's inherently mine. Teaching politics through my rap and my rhyme.

PE: Uh-huh....didn't think that was gonna come back at you did you?

Stiltz: ....I mean, who woulda thought that the rest of my life some video I did with my friend and then uploaded to the internet would follow me forever and continue to make me look like a fool.

PE: I mean, at minute 2:53 you and the other guy are jumping around yelling, "Superman that socialism. Waterboard that terrorism." What does that even mean?

Stiltz: ....

PE: According to the Urban Dictionary, to "Superman" is to ejaculate on a sleeping woman's back and press a sheet to it so that the sheet is stuck to her like a cape when she wakes up. Are you implying that conservatives should do this to socialists?

Stiltz: You gotta understand...It was a crazy time. This liberal black guy was elected president. Everybody was scared.......You're not going to hire me are you?

PE: No.

Stiltz: Damn, how many times is this gonna happen to me?

PE: This kinda adds an extra layer of irony to the line: "Liberals playing checkers. I'm playing chess," doesn't it?

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