Below is a video from the new greatest rap group of all time: The Young Cons. Yep, Cons is short for Conservatives. It's like Pat Buchanan, Rush Limbaugh and Redman had kids. Stiltz and Serious C (because he is seriously conservative and seriously Christian) are Dartmouth freshman and soon they'll be hip hop superstars.
I haven't been this excited about a rap group since The Afros.
I mean, rhyming conservative love with Atlas Shrugged....brilliant. The second rapper, Stiltz, attacks the track with the rap skills of a young Shaquille O'Neal.
I can see him saying: "Socialism, tell me how my ass tastes..."
4 years from now:
4 years from now:
Potential employer: Hello...uh...Mr....
Stiltz: Stiltz....One Tiiime...
PE: Yes, Mr. Stiltz....So we did a google search on you and came across this video from 2009....
Stiltz: (nervous laughter) I fulfill a role that's inherently mine. Teaching politics through my rap and my rhyme.
PE: Uh-huh....didn't think that was gonna come back at you did you?
Stiltz: ....I mean, who woulda thought that the rest of my life some video I did with my friend and then uploaded to the internet would follow me forever and continue to make me look like a fool.
PE: I mean, at minute 2:53 you and the other guy are jumping around yelling, "Superman that socialism. Waterboard that terrorism." What does that even mean?
PE: According to the Urban Dictionary, to "Superman" is to ejaculate on a sleeping woman's back and press a sheet to it so that the sheet is stuck to her like a cape when she wakes up. Are you implying that conservatives should do this to socialists?
Stiltz: You gotta understand...It was a crazy time. This liberal black guy was elected president. Everybody was scared.......You're not going to hire me are you?
Stiltz: Damn, how many times is this gonna happen to me?
PE: This kinda adds an extra layer of irony to the line: "Liberals playing checkers. I'm playing chess," doesn't it?