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Friday, November 5, 2010

The Freaks Came Out!

So, we're wrapping up one of the most bizarre election seasons in recent memory. All throughout the Union the crazies came out to run for office. Carl Paladino in New York tried to become governor by threatening to kick the crap outta people. That guy scares me. He's probably beating the shit outta people who didn't vote for him as we speak. Sharron Angle in Nevada told a group of Latinos they looked Asian to demonstrate her color-blindness and instead demonstrated her insanity. We even had a real live witch running. She knows all her spells, but she's shaky about what's in the Constitution.

It was all so endlessly fascinating. At night, I turned on MSNBC to see which new gaffe these folks would come out with. And every night the tea party candidates didn't disappoint. Rich Lott in Ohio dressed as a Nazi. Dan Quayle's son--Brock Leonard, chief writer for a website called "Dirty Scottsdale"...er, I mean, Ben Quayle--threatened to "knock the hell outta Washington" while claiming Obama is the worst president in history. As if he wasn't paying attention to his father's boss's single term. Or better (worse?) yet, the two disastrous terms of son of the guy his father served with. And then some people elected this guy.

Here's the thing, it was a year that so much was going down in other states, I forgot all about my own state. Maryland is utterly sane, no tea party loonies to draw attention by claiming the Civil Rights act is overreaching legislation. Sane is boring. I forgot to register in my county and had to cast a ballot where I used to live. I hope my vote helped to make the neighboring county a better place.

But when I went to the ballot there was moment of dissonance: Where's the Aqua Buddha? Rich Whitey? The Rent is Too Damn High dude? Alvin Greene's not on the ballot in this state? Why aren't they allowing me to vote to legalize the herb? Who the hell is Barbara Mikulski? Oh yeah....I remember her now.



The outpouring of crazies was made possible, partly, by the Supreme Court's Citizen United decision which allows corporations and unions to pump unlimited money into elections. After all, corporations are people too and to limit their spending would be to hurt their free speech rights. Thank you Citizens United. Thank you Tea Party and Koch Brothers, you billionaire funders of the craziest of the crazies you. All of you have added endless hilarity to our lives. Some of you lunatics even got through, which will bring more humor and insanity into our daily lives. Sane government is so boring. See you in 2012 when there will be more unfettered money, more looney tunes candidates, more wonderfully crazy attack ads and most importantly, more comedy


3 comments:

Big Man said...

Were they really freaks? Hell, given what I've seen, these people are highly representative of the norm. Then again, I live in the Deep South.

Rion Amilcar Scott said...

It's always like this in the south? Conservatives always seemed wrong, but sane, often hatefully sane. These dudes looked like some lunatics.

Rion Amilcar Scott said...

It's always like this in the south? Conservatives always seemed wrong, but sane, often hatefully sane. These dudes looked like some lunatics.