Blog Archive

Thursday, March 10, 2011

A Muppet Moves

I recently moved. It was a bitch.

Threw me way off my game. Not that I was really on it as it were.

I left a really pleasant place to live. Hyattsville, MD the home of Jim Henson. The Muppet genius. One of my heroes. No bullshit. I was genuinely sad when he died. I've always imagined myself a Stadler & Waldorf figure, a heckler throwing rocks from the balcony. Love those guys.

In Hyattsville, I felt like a Muppet. One of the funny Muppets, not one of the educational Muppets. Those guys are so self-righteous. Don't get me started on Elmo, the Muppet who single-handedly destroyed Sesame Street. If Jim Henson was around, all that Elmo bullshit would be shut down.

Henson went to high school right near where I lived. I often imagined he lived in the same apartment I lived in and dreamed up Kermit the Frog in the same kitchen I burned food in.

 Now I'm no longer a Muppet. I'm now a Beltsville, MD resident. Peace out Hyattsville.

I noticed up above I made light of Elmo. I feel bad about that. Sesame Workshop just put out a video that, no joke, reveals that Elmo has a father (a big shaggy Muppet-man with a soul patch--I make none of this up) and he has been deployed and redeployed to Afghanistan. Not only that, Elmo's uncle, his dad's brother paid the ultimate price in the war against terrorism. What kind of person am I to make fun of a Muppet who's father and uncle are brave enough to sacrifice their lives in war?

But really, it surprises me that the military allows Muppets on the battlefield. Does the other side use Muppet soldiers? What would an Al-Qaida Muppet look like?

Imagine you're in the middle of a brutal firefight, you turn and the guy that's supposed to have your back is a Muppet.

A motherfucking Muppet!

No comments: