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Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Good Shit From the Vaults 2: Guest Blogger: Joe the Plumber

Note: So I've been going into the vaults and checking out posts I've written, but not put up. This is one I remember writing. Barry O. and Old Man McCain had a debate where each of them kept shouting out some guy named, "Joe, the Plumber." At first, I thought "Joe" was an abstraction like "Joe Six-Pack," politicians' favorite trope for the ordinary American. I typed up something quick and figured I'd polish it up with some funnier jokes later.

Then, the next day, Joe was all over the news. He was a real dude and the reality of this guy was much funnier than what I had written. Here was a poor guy campaigning hard against his own interests in hopes that he would one day be a member of the elite class that Republicans look after. Then it turned out that the guy wasn't even a plumber. I spiked the column, but am presenting it here as some good shit from the vaults for you to snack on. This was originally written on 10/15/08 and with the exception of some misspellings, I have not changed it.

Dear Barry & John,

It's me, Joe the Plumber. You guys mentioned me a whole lot during your final debate. You looked in the camera and called me by name. I found it weird.

It was cool at first when the Old Guy brought me up. I was comfortable with that. It was nice to have a brief moment in the sun, but then the Old Guy kept saying my name over and over. I don't know if his memory is off.

I was with my friend, Joe Six-Pack. He was, as usual, drunk off his ass and when he heard my name you should have seen him. He laughed so hard, he fell off his seat.

Look, my name isn't Joe and I'm not even really a plumber. To be honest, I don't even really exist.


Joe the Plumber

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